Brokenness In Marriage

Kunkel Fam Adventures
Brokenness in Marriage

Janette and I had the opportunity to visit with and listen to a young couple yesterday. They are struggling mightily in their marriage, with all the usual things that young couples struggle with--what part of my family heritage to I keep? What part do I release? How much of me does my spouse get? Is there an "us?" or just each of us sharing living quarters? What does the "us" mean in practical ways? What if I want to do things my way? Am I really ready to come out of this cave, where I've been licking my wounds, and let my partner see me, touch me. . . and on and on. . . .

Every one of these HUGE issues Janette and I have already dealt with together, and it struck me that when we began to experience release in our oneness, it all stemmed from a particular attitude: brokenness.

To be "broken" means you quit trying to be the perfect person, you quit trying to cover up the crap, you quit wearing masks (as best as you know how) with the one you love. In a very real sense, brokenness is an attitude of "not doing" rather than "doing." Instead of trying harder, you begin to strip down. You meet each other in the bushes, in the garden, and begin to help each other take the fig leaves off.

Brokenness takes all the energy we usually reserve for "looking good" in the eyes of the world and our partner. Brokenness is the starting point, but its also the ending point. You may have made the commitment at the altar, but did you know the commitment was to be of "one flesh?" And that means you must allow your partner, your one flesh, to see you as you are, and just stand there. And who likes to stand naked in front of anybody?

If you focus on this brokenness, God will make the effects flow from it. Don't put the cart before the horse, like we did so many times in our marriage. Don't try to fix things, or add fresh burdens to your spouse's shoulders, without first being broken together in the garden of His delight.